Tiger Woods moves to downtown New York

Welcome To The Neighborhood Tiger Woods!

Tiger Woods moves to downtown New York
Tiger Woods moves to New York City

Dear Tiger Woods,

This weekend, I saw someone moving into this ridiculous apartment on Reade Street. Peeking into the place I wondered who was the lucky person who moved into our neighborhood.

Considering we count Tyra Banks, Leonardo DiCaprio and John Stewart as our neighbors — I am now completely convinced and imagining you are our new friendly neighbor that the NY Post speaks so highly of.

If so, that’s great! Welcome!

I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about the challenging course of Park51, but we’re pretty sure New York became your “hole in one” once you heard about our even more infamous “Ground Zero Strip Clubs!”

There is the Pussycat Lounge on Greenwich or the New York Dolls on Murray Street!

Oh! I’m also sure that since New Yorkers don’t need cars — you won’t have to worry about crashing them in this part of the woods city! There’s always a cab around here somewhere.

Otherwise, we at BatteryParkCity.com offer you a warm welcome (if you are actually our neighbor) and would love to bump into you at the Whole Foods sometime.

Sincerely,
Your speculative Battery Park City and Tribeca neighbors

About Lizbeth

Elizabeth has been a resident of Battery Park City since 1985, where she and her sister were beneficiaries of the neighborhood’s first school bus stop. She loves to travel, but loves even more to come home. The Battery Park Esplanade is her favorite neighborhood fixture, where you’ll often find her soaking up the sun, rollerblading, or simply enjoying the view.