Dear Tiger Woods,
This weekend, I saw someone moving into this ridiculous apartment on Reade Street. Peeking into the place I wondered who was the lucky person who moved into our neighborhood.
Considering we count Tyra Banks, Leonardo DiCaprio and John Stewart as our neighbors — I am now completely convinced and imagining you are our new friendly neighbor that the NY Post speaks so highly of.
If so, that’s great! Welcome!
I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about the challenging course of Park51, but we’re pretty sure New York became your “hole in one” once you heard about our even more infamous “Ground Zero Strip Clubs!”
There is the Pussycat Lounge on Greenwich or the New York Dolls on Murray Street!
Oh! I’m also sure that since New Yorkers don’t need cars — you won’t have to worry about crashing them in this part of the woodsÂ city! There’s always a cab around here somewhere.
Otherwise, we at BatteryParkCity.com offer you a warm welcome (if you are actually our neighbor) and would love to bump into you at the Whole Foods sometime.
Your speculative Battery Park City and Tribeca neighbors